Dark Side
by Jamie Sommers
Summary: A one shot. Katniss and Peeta have lingering feelings about thing that they have done. Will they get past them? Can they move on? Based on the song Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson.


**Dark Side**

**By: Jamie Sommers**

**When I heard this song it made me think of the issues Katniss and Peeta went through so I wrote a story about it this afternoon. Hope you like it. The song is sung by Kelly Clarkson. The lyrics are in italics.**

**Dark Side**

_There's a place that I know_

_It's not pretty there and few have ever gone_

_If I show it to you now_

_Will it make you run away_

_Or will you stay_

_Even if it hurts_

_Even if I try to push you out_

_Will you return?_

_And remind me who I really am_

_Please remind me who I really am_

_Everybody's got a dark side_

_Do you love me?_

_Can you love mine?_

_Nobody's a picture perfect_

_But we're worth it_

_You know that we're worth it_

_Will you love me?Even with my dark side?_

I'm so confused, Katniss. There are times when I remember… I remember who we are. How much I love you and then there are times I'm sure you're my enemy. That you're the reason I hate so much…I hurt so much. People keep telling me this isn't who I am. That I'm not this…monster that tried to kill you, but if I'm not a monster why did I try to end your life? God, this is driving me crazy.

They keep showing me videos of us…of you. Did you know they filmed your every move? Our every move? Did we ever have a moment to ourselves? Was there ever a second of our life that just belonged to you and me?

I keep throwing things around this room they keep me locked in. I've ripped apart more pillows then I can count. I think they've decided to stop bringing them to me, because I slept without one last night.

Katniss? I'm sorry for the way I acted at lunch the other day. It's just…when I saw you with Gale… There was this unbelievable amount of fury inside of me. I didn't want to physically hurt you, but I wanted you to feel pain. The kind of pain I knew I had felt in my past. Delly yelled at me afterwards and even though I fought with her in front of everybody, I knew she was right. I should've been kinder to you. Why'd you leave? Why couldn't you have stayed and made me see that wasn't who I was? I'm not that person…am I? Please come back and tell me that's not who I am. Tell me I'm that guy I've seen on the video feeds. That I'd die for you because that's how much I love you. Please come back, Katniss. I'll try not to push you away. I just need you to tell me…to show me what's real. I just…I need you, Katniss.

_Like a diamond_

_From black dust_

_It's hard to know_

_What can become_

_If you give up_

_So don't give up on me_

_Please remind me who _

_I really am_

_Everybody's got a dark side_

_Do you love me?_

_Can you love mine?_

_Nobody's a picture perfect_

_But we're worth it_

_You know that we're worth it_

_Will you love me?_

_Even with my dark side?_

All I seem to care about lately is killing President Snow…or that's what I keep telling myself. It's so much easier than letting my true feelings in.

Do you know how crazy I went while you were gone, Peeta? Of course, you don't. You have no clue. You don't even know who I am anymore and I need you to know me, because I'm pretty sure you were the only person that ever saw me for who I really was…who I really am capable of being.

Listening to you and Gale talk about me tonight like I wasn't in the room…like I wasn't even here…it hurt. Gale thinks I'll choose someone I can't survive without, but what do you think, Peeta? Is that what you think? Do you think that all I care about is my survival? Who will be beneficial to me in the long run? God, I hope not.

There was a time in my life when what people thought of me didn't mean one damn thing, but then you entered my world and everything turned upside down. I'm not supposed to feel these things…I never wanted to feel them for anyone. I thought I felt them for Gale, but that was just too easy. I knew him so well. He knew me…he knew what I wanted him to know. But you…you saw me. You saw things in me that I didn't see in myself. Peeta, please tell me you can still find those things. I know I'm not easy to love. I'm frigid and temperamental. I'm horrible with words so you've never even heard me tell you how I feel about you. As far as you know I can tolerate you well enough as a friend, but you're so much more to me than that. So much more. Why can't I say it? Do you know, because I don't?

Earlier, when I kissed you and asked you to stay with me, you said, always. Did you mean it, Peeta? Even though I've killed…murdered people? Even though all of these people around us are putting their lives in jeopardy just so I can kill President Snow? Will you still stay after the blood has been shed? After lives have been lost all because of me? Will you be able to see the girl that stood on the chair in music assembly and sang the Valley Song or will you see the woman with blood on her hands? No matter which you see…can you still find it in you to love me?

_Don't run away_

_Don't run away_

_Just tell me that you will stay_

_Promise me you will stay_

Prim's death…isn't this how the whole thing started, Katniss? Isn't that why you volunteered for the Games? To prevent her from dying? And yet…in the end…she died anyway. My God, how you must be hurting. I know that's why you voted to have one last Hunger Games held with Capitol children as tributes, but it's okay. I don't agree with it, but I understand and I'll be here for you when you see the first child die and feel that surge of regret for the choice that you made.

You have your chance to put things to an end now. To finish this war. To kill Snow. I'll stand by your side there too. All of this death will haunt you one day…soon. What will you do when it all comes crashing down on you, Katniss? How will you cope with it all? _Will_ you cope with all of it? What are you doing, Katniss? Why aren't you aiming at Snow? Oh my God! No, Katniss! NO! I won't let you! You can't leave me!

It wasn't easy watching them haul you off after you killed Coin and the look on your face when I prevented you from swallowing the poisonous pill that would've instantly ended your life, but I couldn't let you go. I remember, Katniss. I remember all of it. There are still moments of anger…hostility towards you, but underneath it all I know that you had your hair in two braids instead of one and when you sang…all the birds fell silent.

_Don't run away_

_Don't run away_

_Just promise me you will stay_

_Promise me you will stay_

Nighttime is the worst. Everyone is gone. Out of all the people in the world that meant something to me, I thought you'd be the one that would stay by my side, Peeta. I thought you'd keep your word and stay with me…always. Life has no meaning. Haymitch gets drunk more often than not. Greasy Sae feeds me because she has to. I eat because the food is there, but if it weren't…I wouldn't bother with it. My sister is dead, Peeta. They killed Prim. Sweet, innocent, Prim. She never hurt anyone. I hurt everyone. That's probably why you didn't come back. That's probably why…what's that noise? Peeta! You're planting…Primroses? For my sister?

I honestly don't know why I'm in bed crying my eyes out. I wanted you to come home and here you are. Now I can't even face you. I will though. Eventually. I just need some time. You wanted to come home…to me. I can't believe it. And they wouldn't let you, but the moment they said you could…you left and you came back to me. You came back. If they wouldn't let you leave then you must still have some medical problems, but don't worry. I'll help you…as much as I can anyway. I'm kind of a mess right now. But I'll do my best…for both of us.

_Will you love me? Ohh_

Katniss please don't think I stayed away because I wanted to.

Peeta, I'm so glad you came home.

_Everybody's got a dark side_

_Do you love me?_

_Can you love mine?_

Aren't you scared of me when I get these flashbacks, Katniss? Why don't you run away? I have to grip the chair because I'm so afraid that I'll hurt you…so scared. Everything just explodes inside of my head when they happen and I feel like I want to start throwing things…breaking things. My insides shake uncontrollably like they're going to erupt and lava is going to start spewing out of my eyes…ears… Hate has new meaning when this feeling comes over me. I didn't mean to flip your table over last week. I know it scared you. It scared me. God, Katniss…I don't think it's ever going to end. No. Don't touch me. I might hurt you. Why are you running your hands down my face? Whispering in my ear? You shouldn't be kissing me, Katniss. I might…I might…Oh, Katniss. Katniss…

_Nobody's a picture perfect_

_But we're worth it_

You don't scare me as much as you think you do, Peeta. I know what's inside of you. I know who the real Peeta Mellark is and he's the one that's looking at me with those deep blue eyes right now, wondering why I'd take my life into my own hands and kiss him while he's having a fit brought on by the remnants of the Capitol's hijacking. Okay, maybe kissing you wasn't the smartest move on my part, but…it seemed like the right thing to do today. I'm not sure what I'll do the next time one of these happens, but I know that I will be here for the next one…and the one after that and the one after that…

_You know that we're worth it_

I hate it when you wake up screaming, Katniss, but you don't have to feel bad and tell me you're sorry. That's why I'm here. To help you through these moments in your life and show you that there's still sunshine in the morning even though the nights can sometimes be filled with utter darkness. One day, I'll show you that our nights can be filled with light too. That we won't dread the thought of going to bed. We'll lay down next to each other in anticipation of the magic moonlight can bring.

_Will you love me?_

_Even with my dark side?_

The moment I scream…shout out in fear, I know I'm bringing up horrible memories for you too. I'm reminding you not only of the things…the person I was before…I'm reminding you of the things you did to save my life. I'm sorry, Peeta. You shouldn't have done those things for me, yet you did. A couple of years ago I was so confused by your acts of love, but now…now… You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you? You have done so much…so damn much. Forgiven me for so much. Forgiven me for being me.

_Don't run away_

I need to know, Katniss. I'm so scared though. So afraid to ask.

_Don't run away_

If I tell you something, will you believe me or will you think I'm just saying it, Peeta?

_Don't run away_

_Promise you'll stay _

"You love me now, real or not real?"

"Real."


End file.
